What rappers are (probably) doing during Quarantine

Welp, since the orange man in office, extended the lovely quarantine that's left most of us to hunker down in our homes, I've been one of the lucky few that's managed to transition from working in the office to working from home.

However, now that I'm working from the couch in front of my T.V. that's currently playing re-runs of The League, the rest of my time has been spent trying to figure out what in the hell to do with the rest of my time.

Which got me thinking: What in the hell are rappers doing in their spare time while this pandemic goes on?

Well, I've got you covered. Tonight we're going to throw on our favorite hip-hop album and we

Eminem: Marshall Mathers has been holed up somewhere in a worn-down bunker in Detroit supplied with nothing but McDonald's, Faygo and high-speed internet. Here, a room he has confidently referred to as his "war -room," Em has spent the majority of his time arguing with trolls on the internet who say his music is “absolute ass garbage.”

A transcript of one of those conversations"

Troll: "You suck."

Em: "No you suck, I'll fucking kill you."

Troll: "Do it, I wanna die fucking choke me till I die daddy."

Em: "I..."

Toll:

Em:

Troll:


Em: *signs off* *Starts planning Kamikaze 2*

DMX:  The troubled rapper is finally taking time to learn how to use Turbotax.

Drake: The hip-hop crooner sits alone in his room as he carefully assembles the perfect mixtape of songs to send his lady friend. It's the last c.d. in a four-album project Drake designed to perfectly express how much he appreciates a girl that's meant so much to him in recent years.

He can hear Adonis quietly turn over in his bed as he sleeps in the next room.

He sits back and cracks a smile as he admires his work, which took him all day to make. However, he feels like something is missing and he gets to work quickly, grabbing some of his son's markers to decorate c.d.s.

To him, these mixtapes were going to represent the overarching friendship he's had with this girl who he constantly thinks about. At first it was an unlikely match, she was on an entirely different galaxy than he was.

"She didn't have time for a guy like me," he thought. Somehow though, they found a way and their friendship blossomed, despite what others thought of them. At times it bothered him but most of the time it didn't and he was happy to text her morning, day and night. His project was finished and he couldn't wait to send it.

"Millie Bobby Brown will love these," he thinks to himself as he begins to color in the hearts. He wrapped up the envelope, giving it one last kiss he gets up to mail it.

B.o.B: The once-popular rapper from the south has not been in quarantine since last year. In fact, B.o.B. has no idea that there even is one in the states. This is because after the immense backlash he faced when he tried to prove the earth was flat, he set out on the authentic wooden ship from the 1800s to prove that he is, in fact, correct about our planet.

Upon arrival, he will pass, but not from COVID-19 but from Polio as he also doesn't believe in vaccines.

MF Doom: Doom was stuck in a stage meeting when the lockdown was announced. Now he spends his time with his eight doubles playing - and getting whooped- in a vicious game of Go Fish.

Kendrick Lamar: K. Dot, arguably my favorite rapper on this entire list, is hard at work on his newest album. After laying down what many will debate as his greatest verse, everyone in the booth is blown away. As silence fills the room, he knew he's done it - after possibly years, his album was done.

SchoolboyQ, still trying to formulate the right sentence on what he just heard, offers his congrats to the Compton rapper.

Jay Rock echoes those thoughts and tells Kendrick to come into the control room to celebrate the album wrap.

Kendrick Lamar, relieved at the support, jumps down from the stack of seven highschool academic books he uses to prop himself up to the microphone. As he hits the ground, he grunts and takes a moment to recover from the drop. The only thing harder than the drop is the climb up the books.

It doesn’t matter. He's earned the champagne he's about to drink.