Other things Tekashi69 can snitch on now that he's free

Last week, rapper and infamous snitch Tekashi69 was released from an undisclosed prison in Queens, NYC where he was serving 2 years for racketeering. The early release was a result of the coronavirus outbreak that has spiked in recent days and the rapper's asthma - which puts him at risk if he caught it.

I'm happy he's been released because asthma, even the milder of cases, is nothing to scoff at, especially during a pandemic. People who have suffered through the virus have literally described it as drowning on dry ground.

That being said.

He still snitched on his entire gang and as the famous saying goes - once a snitch always a snitch. (I can't believe a white dude from the suburbs knows this rule and Kashi doesn't.) Since a title like that will literally never go away and rap is an extremely tough industry especially on said snitches, Kashi's only hope is becoming a professional snitch.

Think about - it's the gangster rap version of journalism. He would be an absolute revolutionary and bring light to some of life's greatest mysteries. 

Could you imagine? We would be able to catch bigfoot if someone finally snitched on where he's hiding all the damn time. Eventually, a statue would be erected in his honor for all the great work he did snitching on things our greatest minds couldn't solve.

So, with that in mind, here are a few other things Tekashi 69 could snitch on:

The coronavirus: Where did it come from? What can cure it? Who's fault is it? 

These are just some of the questions CNN, MSNBC and FOX NEWS (kinda) have struggled to answer throughout this pandemic. Maybe we just need someone to get in with the virus's clique, learn who the key players are and then snitch to the NY DA's office.

The great pyramids: Even after hundreds of years, we still have no idea how the great pyramids were constructed. Our best guess?

Aliens.

Maybe that's true, maybe it isn't we literally have no way of telling. That's why we need Tekashi to work his magic and snitch on the people who made them. If he can bring down an entire racketeering operation, the pyramids shouldn't be a problem at all.

Donald Trump: If the nation's top brass, the innermost workings of Trump's cabinet couldn't take the man down. Perhaps it's time for a switch-up, bring an outsider to do the job.

It wouldn't be too hard, Trump already has an affinity for rappers and with Kanye West backing him, Tekashi could have a shot at getting in with the president's team. All he's really have to do is create a fake resume through Microsoft word, make it colorful and BAM he's the new secretary of defense.

Also for some reason, attorney's trust a man with rainbow hair and a giant 69 on his face too. Republicans wouldn't be any different to convince.

As an added bonus - He could also snitch on Bush, did he really do 9/11? 

The Lost City of Atlantis: We know it's out there, we've just never had someone brave enough to snitch on where they are. I think 69 is the man for the job.

In all seriousness though, I gotta hand it to him, days after his release he posted on his Instagram making light of the fact that he damn near sold out the entire rap industry. That counts for something, I guess.